Why I Run From My Problems, & My Addictive Personality

One thing about me is that I have a very addictive personality. For me once I start something, usually, I can’t stop. I’ve known for a while that I have an addictive personality, but I just learned recently that I’m that way because I try to pretend that my problems don’t exist. I’m always finding something to obsess over to distract me. It gets to the point to where I honestly ignore all of my issues. I end up pausing and suddenly everything hits me.

I seem to naturally have an all or nothing mentality that I’m really having to work on. Used to, I thought that an all or nothing mentality was good, but then later I realized that honestly, it’s quite the opposite. The core issue here is me trying to distract myself from my problems. When really I just need to give my issues to God. But instead, once I recognize my issues, I try to deal with them on my own. Which leads to me making bad decisions because I can’t do anything correctly without God, quite literally.

I always try and push people away whenever I’m hurt. If I don’t run from my problems, I run from people while I’m trying to fix the issues. I hate relying on other people to help me. But occasionally you need to allow others to help you with your problems. I am trying to get myself to realize that God put people in my life for a reason, and if I get hurt because I was relying on them, then that was a part of his plan and I no longer will rely on that person. It’s perfectly okay to cut yourself off from people. I also will continuously give out second chances, but I’ve learned that there is a major difference in forgiving someone and giving them a second chance. You can cut someone off and still forgive them. But if I push the wrong people away and I try to fix things myself, then like I said I’ll turn to the wrong things.

So for me, this is what helps me be the best version of myself and NOT turning to the wrong things.

1. Studying Scripture

Going through different books in the bible and writing down the verses that speak to me really helps me to calm down and put things into perspective. Sometimes I’m really hurting and I feel lost, and every time I open my bible to read it, God seems to give me clarity.

2. Surrounding myself with close friends

One thing that I’ve really learned is that friends come and they go. But surrounding yourself with your close friends often is very important. You can trust them to hold you accountable and to always be there for you.

3. Writing out what would happen if I did turn to something I shouldn’t, whatever that may be

I’m really bad at thinking into the future and recognizing possible consequences for my actions. Sometimes I have to quite literally sit down with my computer and write out what could happen if I were to make a risky decision. Doing this helps me recognize what would most likely happen if I chose to let myself lead the way.

In conclusion, I have to acknowledge that it's okay for me to be this way as long as I'm aware and ask for God's guidance in controlling myself. God made me the way that I am for a reason, and I know that he has a plan for me.

This was a shorter read, but it means a lot to me because being aware of this side of myself really helps me to maintain self-control. If you’re like me, or you have a family member like me, I hope this helps.

-Hadleigh