Learning How To Accept Yourself

Once when I was little I looked in the mirror and I thought to myself. “I am the only me that there is.” and then I thought “Why am I Hadleigh Bell? Why did God choose me to be me?”. Then I realized that I only saw the world through one perspective and that there were so many other perspectives of the world out there. I realized that God chose to give me my body, my brain, my thoughts, my family, and my environment all for a reason. Even though I recognized those things, I still couldn’t recognize how special I am and how I am worthy through God.

I did everything I could to “edit” myself. I literally hated my body, I disliked my personality, and I wanted to make sure that my accomplishments were far greater than everyone else’s. I wanted to control everything so that I could be perfect. Now, honestly I told myself for years growing up that nobody was perfect. Although I always wanted to be the closest that I could be to perfect, which is basically the same thing as trying to perfect. For example, when I was nine years old I went to the doctor for a yearly checkup and the doctor told me that I was at a very healthy weight and that I shouldn’t be concerned. But I looked at her and I asked “But what is like the absolute “healthiest” weight so I can get down to that?” which honestly was me asking “How thin can I get before it is labeled as unhealthy?” As horrible as it sounds, those were the things that I thought from a very young age.

I remember always feeling absolutely horrible about myself. If I walked into a room and I thought that there was a girl prettier or skinnier than me, (which I always thought because I didn’t see my value at all whatsoever) I would immediately feel horrible and whatever event/day was then ruined because I felt like I had no purpose or worth being there. I didn’t love myself, I didn’t even like myself, and I sure didn’t accept myself.

Really, there’s no special tips or tricks to accepting yourself. Of course you can dress nice, smell good, and be kind, but true inner confidence doesn’t come from what people say or think about you. Most of the time we rely on what other people say, our accomplishments, or physical achievements to supply us with “confidence”. But guess what? It’s temporary. Just like the retail therapy high wears off, so will the affirmations that others give you. No, I’m not going to tell you that “all of you is beautiful! Believe that!”. Because one, while all of that is true, we are still going to have insecurities whether we like it or not. Two, believing that is not all that simple. We have to look at ourselves and just accept what we have. Not criticize every little thing. We accept it, and eventually we learn to love it.

Our perspectives on self-love are so entirely messed up, we think that we have to admire those things about ourselves in order to love them. We couldn’t be more wrong. Love, is choosing to accept the things that you may not be the most proud of. That applies to relationships, friendships, and loving ourselves. Accept yourself, own your flaws, and love it (and I mean that).

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I just finished the book “Self-Esteem” by Meagan Trayler. That book had a major impact on my perspective. Subconsciously, I’ve really never truly known deep down in my heart of hearts that I have value on my own. I didn’t know that I don’t have to conquer the world in order to be of value. That book was really an eye-opener for me and it helped me realize that it doesn’t matter how many times someone else says that I am not good enough, I am enough on my own. Always. For anyone who has struggled with their self esteem, I highly recommend picking up a copy.

All the time, I find myself looking in the mirror and making up some issue in my head about why I look bad, fat, or disgusting. I have to tell myself “NO, NO, NO. That is a voice in your head aka the devil speaking through your insecurities trying to get you far away from God through hating yourself. Because Hadleigh, when you hate yourself, you make bad decisions.” Ok fine, some people might think it’s crazy when you “talk” to yourself, but subconsciously we do it all the time. Not to mention, it’s actually really healthy for you mentally, and positive self-talk improves your self confidence. Your self confidence is important, please remember that.

So, in the end, pray to God, read the bible, stop following those models’ instagram, stop looking at those fitness women who post pictures in way too little clothing (been there, done that.), and own your insecurities, ACCEPT them.