Fearing What Other People Think

Hey y’all, it’s me. I’ve recognized that I only post whenever I feel like I’ve found a solution to one of my problems. Then I realized that all of us have things that we haven’t quite figured out yet and I thought it would be nice of me to give an example of something that I still struggle with.

I’ve realized lately that I am still so so mean to myself. I always expect myself to be on top of my game 24/7, and to immediately solve all of my problems.I’ve always felt like showing people that I don’t have it all together would make me look weak. But you know what, it’s perfectly true. I am the definition of a mess, and I believe that it’s okay. At times I don’t have anything together, and in a way, I believe everyone is clueless about how to handle some things in their life.

Sometimes I feel confident, and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I don’t care what other people think, and sometimes I do. Naturally, I’m always myself and I always SAY that I don’t care what other people think, but I do care sometimes.

Sometimes I get into a bad mood and am constantly worried about other people judging me for the simplest things. I have my bad days. Usually this happens when I’m cooped up in the house, or when I haven’t done something in a while to take care of myself. In these moments I’m so mean to myself. I find myself constantly looking for something to fix or something to criticize myself over.

I also tear myself down because I would rather say it to myself before someone else would say it to me. So yes, part of the reason I’m so hard on myself is because of fear. Fear that someone else is gonna say it anyway. So in a way, it’s how I prepare myself. And I’ll admit, it’s a horrible thing.

I’ve found what helps me the most, is to choose one thing to do that is considered taking care of myself everyday. Whether that be a workout, a bath, painting my nails, etc. I try and do whatever I can to get out of my own head. What also helps me to not worry about what other people think of me is to truly break things down and recognize how insecurely and fearfully I live my life when I think that way. But honestly, sometimes it just doesn’t work.

At times, when other people hurt me I get into a negative mindset. I wrote Ignoring Negative Influences a few months ago about how to distance yourself mentally from those people. Although quite honestly sometimes it’s very difficult for me to remember that. I find that sometimes going back and reading that helps me to remember the bigger picture. You can control how personally you take the criticism of others, but sometimes you can’t control how hurt you are from it. The only way to deal with this is to distance yourself. You can’t always feel great and that’s okay.

I’ve realized that I always try and make it look like I have a solution to everything, or that I’ve got it all figured out. But the truth is, I have no clue what I’m doing, where I’m going, or how I’m doing it. You’re not always going to not worry about what other people think, and you’re not always going to not be hard on yourself. But you can do little things to get yourself out of that mentality. You can also pray, truly pray.

So here’s me, just letting you know that I don’t have it all together. I don’t have it all figured out, and I don’t feel confident about what I’m doing all the time. Plenty of people have said to me “Oh Hadleigh you always know what you’re doing and you’re so confident and you just have it all together.” But I promise, they couldn’t be more wrong.

<3 - hadleigh